u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
