PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
