Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
