I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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