Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
