dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
