dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Randomize