I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just took my morning after pill in the library
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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