I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
