You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it's like iHOP with fire
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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