Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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