Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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