Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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