Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
