i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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