nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
