I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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