Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
