I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
