In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
