I understand Curling. That high.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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