My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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