If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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