U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
