We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can I color on your dick again?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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