dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
FUCK WHALES
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
