How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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