do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
