He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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