I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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