i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
