His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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