pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
