So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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