I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
