sarcasm needs its own font
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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