Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
