I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
