K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
