I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
