So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
