What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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