Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
