who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
