Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
