No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
