420 ftw
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
