is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
