Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
