How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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