Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
