Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
