Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
