Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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