Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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