I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
