k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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