I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
