living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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