Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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