I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
