i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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