hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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