with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We smell like vodka and hangover
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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