No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
