Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize