Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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