I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
