I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
please come you make the beer taste better
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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